| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2006|07:41 am] |
im so messed up right now its not even funnny
i dont even know what to think right now.
GRRRRR
my emotions arent clear and its killing me
w.e. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2006|02:05 pm] |
| [ | I'm jammin to.. |
| | horrible | ] |
so in about 1 and 1/2 hours, we are putting my dog to sleep.
i used to play with her and w.e. when i was a kid but then she got old and sick and was always in the way. i feel horrible for not treating her well. i was such a bitch to her. i never hit her or anything i was just mean, like called her a retard and wished she would die just so she woudnt be in my way anymore. but now that shw is actualy going to die....i fee aweful and i dont want her to. i know she is sooooo sick and putting her down is the best thing for her, but the weirdest thing is that my dad actually wants ME to come with him when we go to the vet, he wants me to be there. i dont know why, maybe cuz he knows i can stay strong and he cant. i realy dont know. but today is just so depressing and my sister and dad wont stop crying.
the past week all she has done is throw up everything she eats, but she keeps eating. my dad looked this one illness up and it pretty much decribes all of her symptoms. seizures, shaking hind legs, vomiting, and a bunch of other things. i dont know how she lived like this for so long but i guess we are going to put her out of all the pain and suffering.
i feel so bad. like its made me think about how i treat people and stuff and how if im mean to someone i would never wish death upon then seriously. so now i feel like just not voiceing my opinions and not saying anything mean anymore.
so much is going on in my life right now i cant handle it and this just makes it worse.
ugh!
i dont want to go with, but i want to be there for my dad for a change, then maybe he will see im a good kid and he will stop hating me. idk, just a thought.
xoxo<3 |
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| update |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|08:59 am] |
ok so im at school in keyboarding class and i had nothing better to do so i decided to come on here. looks like no one ever comes on much anymore. but i dont care,
heres an update
school was ok first term and now its a bit harder because i quit my job at village ipzza and just started working at petsmart on 72 and 59. i "started" monday and my schedule this week is rediculous!! idk if they are trying to get me ready for the holiday season or what but i work mon, tue, wed, thur, and sat! my first week!
its insane. plus on top of that i was sick all weekend insluding thanksgiving and im still a little messed up. ive been under so much stress lately its not even funny. ive had so much to deal with the past month or two and december is going to be HELL for me.
my best friend in the whole world is moving o7984507982435096 miles away to ARIZONA. im so scared to be without him and i dont want him to leave at all. when i found out like 3 months ago him and i cried for hours in he drive way at 2 a.m. and i can only imagine when it actually comes down to him leaving me. im honestly scared out of my mind. when my BFF kimmoved to elgin(a town or two over) i thought my world was gunna end. not this, a million states across the US. it really is going to end. he said his parents would totally addopt me but he would feel bad taking me from my mom, she only has one more year of me anyways so i really want to move with him, his house has 2 extra bedrooms so it would work. but god this is bogus, i am terrified at the thought of him leaving! and a few days before xmas too! ha merry christmas to me right??? UGH! i never want december to arrive, id rather skip it and go straight to january.
hmm what else is new???
umm yesterday i almost got killed by an idiot. i was walking from the parking lot to the sidewalk at school and since you have to walk a million miles to get to a side walk i was on the side of the road and this IDIOT swung around the corner and came about 5 inches from my left knee. im not kidding or exaggerating when i say 5 inches. im serious. i almost got seriously hurt or even killed. and you wanna know that horrible part of it all??? i wish i would have gotten hit.
bells gunna ring<33333 |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|12:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | living rooooom | ] |
| [ | I am feeling... |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | I'm jammin to.. |
| | jerry springer | ] |
so things have been kinda blah lately. lots going through my mind.
school is coming up quick and well, im not looking forward to school and work. i have no idea how thats gunna work out. but ill try my hardest. i really dont want to have to quit my job just because i cant handle it plus school. but i think this school year wont be as dreadful as everyone is saying it will be. ive made some solid friends over the summer and i know they will stick with me during school. but ive also lost a best friend so itll be interesting to see how she acts towards me over the school year.
my social life has been up and done lately, almost lost a few of my best friend over something stupid but i managed to keep my kool and we are all okay now. even though what one of my friends did to me was nearly unforgivable i didnt want to lose her. and then me and travis have been off and on fighting, i have no idea why, we just cant have a conversation with out bickering about this or that. its bad but i think we patched things up for now. who knows how long this will last though.
i just spent a weekend in indiana with kim, it was a ton of fun. i love knowing that she still loves me and is here to talk to me whenever i need her. shes been gone pretty much all summer so it was nice to see her finally. it was refreshing if you will.
work has been going alright, ive been off for almost 2 weeks and well i go back this afternoon and im not looking forward to that. the people there are great and well im glad i met them. my boss isnt so great but ill put up with him for now. yosi is great, hes a server and i think me and him get along the best out of them all. hes hilarious and easy to talk to. we have alot in common. and violet is just funny. her and her polish accent and weird way of talking. shes great though. the kids in the kitchen are all great too.
my brother has been great to me lately. he has been nice to me and been acting like a real brother. and at work hes always offering things to me and just been really nice to me. i think its because he realizes that hes going off to college in a few weeks and well he knows he going to be out of the house and hes going to miss haivng me around. as much as he doesnt want to admit it, i think he will. well i know i will, and i wouldnt have said that a few months ago, but ever since hes been nice to me things have been changing. i like having him around and he has gotten me into a lot of great music i had never heard b4 and he has introduced me to a whole new world of music. and well, im not gunna miss the mess around the house but i will miss him being here.
cant really think of much more that ive been thinking about and i think i have written enough so good bye xoxo jessie<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2006|03:31 pm] |
| [ | I am feeling... |
| |  depressed | ] |
wow. so its been a while since i wrote in this thing. im bored waiting to get a ride to work, im thinking about grabbing a monster and drinking it on the way there. idk though. they dont do anything for me anymore. so alot has happened since my last post. that gay kid didnt do anything to anyone. but hes still an ugly fag.ummmmm well that was a while ago and id be here for a while i typed everything since then out so i wont. i gotta go to work now. haha lisa is stuck on the toilet with no paper.....should i get some for her...??? .......i think not. hahaha i guess i better b4 she yells for my mom and i get in trouble. haha
xoxox,
jess |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|10:45 pm] |
I JUST WASHED MY CELL PHONE IN THE WASHING MACHINE
I DIDNT REALIZE IT UNTIL I HEARD A THUMP THUMP THUMP IN THE DRYER!
grrrrrrrrrrrR |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|09:24 am] |
| [ | I am feeling... |
| | lazy | ] |
ok well i turned down plans with kim to go to the mall with brandy
and guess what!!!!
we didnt end up going
i was sooo mad!
but i went out with my mommy and we found some presents for people and
i am officially done shopping for presents for these people:
kim
lisa
and i think someone else
yeah thats sad
xmas is coming up soon and im not even half done!!!
but my bro has to buy me two presents. one as a normal gift and then the other to replace what he broke!!
my mom and i were at taco hell yesterday and she was talking to me about presents cuz i didnt know what to get my bro and she said "well the other day your brother used my car and the next day i tried to turn on the radio and it was the same song on each channel, i finally figured out it was a CD playing and it was his, he left it in my car but the bad news is he took your CD out and trew it on the floor and i found it the next day broken into peices!"
so, he needs to replace my CD
idk if hes aware of this yet. but he will be soon!!
what a butt hole!
well im bored and i have to go finish something
bye xoxox,
jess |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2005|12:17 am] |
i might actually be able to get decent presents for people this year
i just made $30 tonight for babysitting only 3 hours1
yaya
idk what to do tomorrow
i am invited to 2 places and dont know which one to go to!!!
grrrrr |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|08:46 pm] |
ok this might seem super lame but i dont care
ok lately (about the past month or 2)my mom has had what i diagnosed as C.M.S.(Crabby Mommy Syndrome)
every little thing i say i get in trouble for
but my twin lisa can do what she wants and gets away with it
lets all hail princess lisa
i called my sister a nerd and my mom got super pissed at me
and my sister called me a bitch behind my moms back and she got away with it because "lisa would never say that"
shes not a little inoccent angel like my mom thinks
and im not a little devil child!
there have been sooooo many instances where i say the smallest thing and i get my head bitten off for it and lisa says what she wants and gets away with murder!!
WTF!!
i dont understand this
since when does my mom favor her over me??
everything is going wrong right now, friends and family wise.
W.E.!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2005|06:58 pm] |
| [ | I am feeling... |
| |  aweful | ] |
| [ | I'm jammin to.. |
| | brand new | ] |
well today was a bummer for the most part. 2nd block really got to me, it made me tear up alittle. we had to try to releive our stress with some stupid thing. and it told us to invisions certain things and i saw my grandpa who died a few years back and it made me think about a whole bunch of aweful things. i hate that class, its made me cry before. but 3rd block sucked too. i had to take a giant test and i totally know i failed it. and 4th block was pretty fun we just did an activity with M&M's and i kinda made a new friend. but when i got home i felt like puking and i went o bed at about 4:15 and then my dads loud obnoxious voice woke me up!! at about 6:10. i pretty much took a 2 hour nap and i still feel like crap. but now, to make things worse my head is killing me
well thats my little whine/rant
im done
xoxox,
jessie |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|09:17 pm] |
well i was looking back and seeing howi used to update this thing like religiously! like it was something important! like letting everyone know my own business is sooooo necessary! goodness gracious! great balls of fire lol. and like now i only update this thing like a few times in a long while. and i dont mind, its not like i need to fill everyone in on my life! but if u must know
life is ok for me. tomorrow is december first!! im happy. 25 days till christmas and less thant hat until break and when i get my hair cut. by the way no one gave me their opinion about the hair cut i want to get. if you scroll down a bit you will see and big picture and it says that i want that hair cut. but i need to hear some other opinions cuz im starting to chicken out alittle. im still gunna get it cut cuz i need to and i didnt let it grow and look retarded for nothing. welli had to recite 10 lines of romeo and juliet and i nailed it! i even did an extra line! yes! i was sooo worried. but look here i am rambling on and on about my life when i dont need to. geeez!
later,
jay to the eeeeee to the s s to the eye eeeeeee |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|06:41 am] |
well im waiting to get a ride to school. im super bored. i feel like a retard cuz im wearing my hair different. grr i guess im leaving now!
i want to get my hair cut but i have to wait until it gets longer. ill probably have to wait until winter break
grr
later,
jay e s s eye e |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|11:02 am] |
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today is good sofar
kim called me and said happy thanksgiving! i was soo happy. i guess things are kool now. i dunno.
but...................................................
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|09:55 pm] |
| [ | I am feeling... |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | I'm jammin to.. |
| | yucky commercial | ] |
well alot has happened since my last entry. me and my friend kim havent spoken to each other in about a week. we had a huge fight and lots of mean things were said. i would take them back but they were all true things. and i am sure what she said to me was no lie either. it's aweful. we havent fought like this since freshman year when a guy came between us. a guy i hate. but at the time she couldnt see that. i dunno i hate drama like this. but we are not talking to each other now. we have had many chances but neither of us have taken advantage of them. i dunno i feel bad and hopefully im not the only one. but whatever.
anyways
i have been sick the last week too. coughing my brains out. not good!!
i felt like passing out today. i was dizzy and felt like puking.
well i like this guy and i dont think he likes me back. especially now. i think im annoying. guys suck. i hate them. hopefully if i dont talk to him for a while it wont feel so annoying. blah!!
grr
well gtg
ttyl
xoxox,
jessie |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|05:31 pm] |
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best friends are not supposed to tell you that u have no chance with the guy you like. especially when you do!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|03:52 pm] |
| [ | I am feeling... |
| |  excited | ] |
during third hour i spaced out and i started thinking, like really thinking. and i was soooooo close on giving up on boys and crushes and all that junk. but after third right before the bell HE walked up. it was the most awesome feeling ever!! HE starting talking to me and then HIS friends came over and they started to talk to me. it was AWESOME! i was soooo happy and awake for the rest of the day, usually im dead in 4th block. i am still thrilled about it if u couldnt tell. hehehehehe wow. it thought we would never talk at skool or i would have to be the one to go up to him and his friends and talk to him. BUT NO! he did it! now i know he atleast knows i really do exist. i know this is probably the last thing u all want to hear about. but i dont care!!
IM HAPPY FOR A CHANGE!!!
bye!,
xoxox jess |
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x_pinky_pie_x's journal
i want to get this hair cut. what do u think?